


Dear Lucifer

by Lilith_Child



Series: Letters to Lucifer [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Castiel & Sam Winchester Friendship, Gen, Letters, Love Letters, M/M, Men of Letters Bunker, Pining Sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-09
Updated: 2015-06-09
Packaged: 2018-04-03 15:32:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4106005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilith_Child/pseuds/Lilith_Child
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam writes a letter. Dean finds it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Lucifer

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own anything.
> 
> All mistakes are mine.
> 
> The Enochian at the top is the same thing as directly below it. 
> 
> 'Hoath' means love, and 'ol Lucifer' means to Lucifer.

Ol Lucifer

Olani hoath ol od olani oai affa olani isro oai lit ol ladnah olani ipamis monons ol dosig plapli ol oiad oecrimi ol oecrimi ol npis tofglo olani ipamis oali d nazpsad crp ocani nenni gono ol ladnah.

Ladnah oi olani goho ol olani ipamis isro irgil lapol gohvs crp olani vnig ol goho oi olani oai tastax ol noasmi da ol oe olani ofecvfa nostoah oi oe obza toto ol irgil olani gemeganza noasmi da - noasmi virg olani ladnah nostoah oi noromi adgmach crvsanse olani niis ol od olani isro ol gemeganza ipamis bams ollog darsar olani noasmi virg. 

Olani bams oiad nidali ol mad faaid ol olani nostoah oi ol hoxmarch olani hoath ol noromi adgmach oi nostoah oi ol hoxmarch od ocani oia ipamis vran bagle ol g-chis-ge olani vnig ol ipamis ol enma.

Olani gemeganza ipamis dlvghr ol oi 

Olani oai amiran,

Sam

(Dear Lucifer,  
I love you, and I miss you so much. I wish I could be with you still. I can hear you, at night, sometimes. Thank you. Thank you for everything I don’t know how to put into words, but I think you know.

Now that I’m finally able to write to you, I can’t think of anything that I should say, but I miss you, and I need to write this, even if I can’t send it. I’m going to come back to you eventually. Whether that’s in one year or twenty, I’m coming back, I’m coming home. I know it’s so much longer for you, and I hope you’ll remember me when I come back. 

I forget the sound of your voice some days. It scares me. I love you, so much that it scares me, and I’m forgetting what you are. I need to end this here.

I’m not going to send this.

I am yours,

Sam)

He doesn’t send it. It sits on the new desk that he brought in from one of the (other) storage rooms, before he can’t look at it anymore and locks it in one of the drawers. He doesn’t forget about it though, but he can’t bring himself to destroy it, even though he knows what it would look like to Dean or Cas, if they found it. It’s written in Enochian, for one, and they don’t know that he can read it, or write it, or even speak it, though Cas might suspect. So, just in case, he triple-checks that it’s locked up tight, before he leaves on a solo hunt. 

It turns out that it’s not enough. He knows Dean can pick locks, hell, Dean was the one who taught him to pick locks, but he thought - he thought he could trust Dean. Or, more accurately, he thought Dean could trust him. Sam should have known. Dean hadn’t trusted him in years, not really, ever since he admitted that he had demon blood in him. Or had it been happening before that too? Sam couldn’t remember. He couldn’t remember a lot about his early life.

But anyway, Dean finds the letter. He can’t read it, thank God. Well, not God, but thank someone. Castiel is in Heaven, on angel business, when Dean confronts Sam about it. It doesn’t go well.

Sam tells Dean exactly what the letter is, a letter, but not who it’s to. He tells Dean that it helps to get his thoughts down on paper to sort them out, but not that they’re not entirely his thoughts. (There was some bleed-through when he said yes, and it’s still hard, even after too-many-years-to-count’s worth of trying to sort them out.) Sam tells him that it is indeed real Enochian, but he doesn’t tell him what it says.

Dean storms off, either to his room or to the kitchen, and Sam can hear him yelling for Cas to “Get down here, you feathered dick.” So, probably the kitchen, then. He takes the letter with him, and Sam can do nothing but think of ways to bluff past both of them. Lucifer had taught him to do that, too, to tell the truth without giving away any secrets, and he had learned from observation of Michael how to lie outright to the ones who you loved and who loved you, without letting them in on the fact that you were lying. Dean couldn’t tell anymore, whether he was lying or not, because all his tells had burned up in the flames with him. (Most of the time, now, he was lying. “I’m fine, Dean.” “No, really, I’m doing great,” while coughing up blood and lies.)

Cas comes back from Heaven, eventually, and Sam can feel the electricity pulse and knows it’s too late to run. They come into his room together, Cas holding the letter, eyes wide and shocked and gentle. Sam is sitting on the bed, his back to the wall, and his eyes closed, but he opens them when they come in.

“Cas told me what it says,” Dean starts, without preamble. Sam almost flinches from the accusation that is sure to be in that gaze, but he didn’t go through Hell and possession and come out with nothing. He just sits there, and waits, his face in the mask that Dean doesn’t know he calls his “can’t take it away, got nothing to lose,” mask. 

“And?” Sam asks in a neutral tone.

“And I don’t get why you would write a letter to guys who’ve been dead for like four hundred years, but if it satisfies your geekiness, then fine.” He leaves the room then, and Sam looks at Cas.

“What-?” he starts, but Cas cuts him off.

“I told him that you wrote to John Dee and Edward Kelly, as a sort of thank you letter, for interpreting Enochian for humanity.” Sam just stares at Cas, understanding the basics of it, but not where he got the idea. “I understand that some children write to their favorite authors as school projects? It was in a book that Metatron once read.”

Oh. That would explain it. Sam is grateful for Cas for covering for him, but he knows that he’s not off the hook yet. “Why didn’t you tell Dean what it really says?” he asks.

“I-,” Cas starts, before he seems to lose his train of thought and starts over. “I believe that your brother does not need to know about your personal correspondence with your hoath. Who you choose to write to is your choice, and you have been stripped of enough choices.”

“Thank you, Cas,” Sam says, and Cas nods.

“If you wish to talk to someone, sometime, Sam, I am willing.”

Sam smiles thinly. “Thank you for the offer, Cas, but I don’t think I can.”

Cas nods, and the mood between them grows awkward. He holds the letter out towards Sam, and Sam takes it, folding it along the creases. Cas makes to leave, but before he does, he turns back to Sam. Looking as if he thinks he’s making a hasty decision, Cas blurts out, “There are ways to deliver things, small things, to the Cage, Sam.” There is a short pause, and then he continues when Sam doesn’t say anything. “If you wish, I could see if I could arrange for a letter to be delivered to him.”

Sam stares at him in silent disbelief, and feels as if he wants to cry. Cas seems to take it as dismissal, and turns toward the door. “It is an open offer, Sam,” he says.

Sam is startled into action. “Yeah, no, I mean, thank you. I just- I just need some time to think about it. It’s kind of a big deal, you know?” He’s running his hands through his hair as he speaks.

Cas nods, and then leaves. The conversation seems unfinished, the air still waiting, but as Sam holds the letter tight and Cas doesn’t come back, he makes his decision. Taking a deep breath, he puts the pencil to the paper and starts over. “Lucifer ol.” It’s not much, but it’s a start. 

(In the morning, he has a finished letter, sealed in an envelope, and a name written on the front in his best Enochian. The angel who Cas sends to take the letter, a reaper, has kind eyes and an empty smile. They don’t come back, but Cas says that they returned to Heaven. Sam finds a white feather on the bed, and he almost cries. It worked. It really worked.)

**Author's Note:**

> The Enochian translator I used is http://tikaboo.com/enochian.jsp.


End file.
